lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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