I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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