So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize