I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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