You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
