omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
