This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
