I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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