last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm too high and old for this...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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