She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
