I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
