do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
