Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
