do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
