Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
