So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
