he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
