i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
