i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
