I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
