Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That reminds me...we need to get swords
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
