Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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