and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
