Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
