I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
