Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want nice things and good sex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
