My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
