A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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