I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
