i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
