If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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