I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
