I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
