Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
