well most of my day revolves around power hour
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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