Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
even my farts smell like vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
