I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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