Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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