dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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