Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
