Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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