And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
