I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
