Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize