Kiss
Puke
I just threw up on my dentist
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
