His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
