Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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