sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
