so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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