Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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