happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
