true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
