What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
