My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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