She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize