This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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