I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Watching her eat just hurts me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
