can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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