Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
