the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
