Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
