so explain again why im purple
no
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
