i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
