someone threw a dead crab at me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
