you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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