i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
