I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize