I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
