We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
