I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
