what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
