You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
