Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
