You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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