I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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