Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't turn off my feet"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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