A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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