Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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