Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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