I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
time to smoke my breakfast
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
