he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
