3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
