why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
