we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
