Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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