Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
