i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
