i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
