i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
