im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
