Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
