i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
