Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
