I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
