one two three fourrrrnication!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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