I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
