after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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