never play flip cup with pint glasses
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
