you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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