So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
