True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
