when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
NoShamevember. You game?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize